Rachael and I are getting married in August, so we are in the midst of planning for our future together. That means we are discussing our needs, our wants, and our dreams. What an exciting time! It’s also a time to consider finances, which may not be as riveting. Money management plays a huge part in a marriage (so I’m told), so it is important to bring it into the conversation. Especially, when it comes to wedding planning! Planning a wedding in an expensive city is more than expensive. It’s nearly impossible to do without sinking into debt.

Avoid starting a marriage in debt!

When I proposed to Rachael, and she said yes, we were dancing in the clouds. We had big dreams for our wedding—The sky was the limit! And then reality set in during our search for a wedding venue. I remember exactly where we were. We were in Hawaii, a week after our engagement, sitting on the beach during sunset. Rachael asked, “where should we get married?”. I turned on the phone and looked up venue options in our expensive city.

Wedding planning woes

It turns out the San Francisco Bay Area is an extremely popular and expensive place to have a wedding. Nearly everything was already booked up to a year and a half in advance. I’m sure this is the case for any expensive city. Venues that happened to have availability within the next 18 months were double an engagement ring, house payment, and a kidney. And we haven’t even gotten to the caterer, day of coordinator, flowers, photographer, wine-beer-signature cocktail, etc.

We were shocked. Our romantic bubble burst. When we returned, we decided to get serious about wedding planning and brought finances to the forefront of the conversation. It was important for us to avoid starting our marriage in debt. We already live in an expensive city, and one day would like to achieve financial independence. To reduce wedding costs, we decided to listen to each others wedding needs versus wants. A 2016 Knot study found that the average American wedding costs aver $35,000. Imagine, if instead, you invested that $35,000 in your future financial independence!

Regardless of how much support you are getting from your family, planning a wedding is expensive. Here are some tips we’ve learned along the way to help maximize your wedding needs, so that you can save for your future.

Financial Tips for Planning a Wedding in an Expensive City

1. Think outside the norm, plan for a Friday, Sunday, or weekday.

We are saving mad cash by selecting a Friday for our wedding. Venue costs decrease dramatically when you consider days that are not in high demand. Obviously, we were bummed when we found out that the less expensive venues were booked every Saturday for the next 18 months. We took a step back and realized that since we live in an expensive and competitive city, we had to consider other options.

Not only are we saving over $1000 in venue costs, we are also getting better rates for music, the caterer, and our photographer. Luckily, we chose a holiday weekend (Labor Day) so our out of town guests are able to maximize their time in San Francisco. We have friends who are saving even more by getting married on a weekday. Venue costs on a Tuesday are such a steal! This is your wedding, and your loved ones are going to make the effort to be there, no matter what day of the week.

2. Consider local public parks

City parks give sweet discounts for local residents. I realize some folks are religious and need a church venue, but if you are option to creativity, parks are a great option. We are getting married underneath redwood trees in a public space and are saving over $5,000 on venue costs. If you are lucky, you might be able to find a park for less than $500. To combat weather unknowns, tents are an inexpensive option to create an indoor atmosphere.

3. Plan for fall or spring

Obviously, summer weddings are in high demand. Suppliers know this. If you are open to it, consider planning your wedding for a time when you can get the best price. Late spring and early fall tend to be great options. If you live in a location with hot and humid summers, and are planning for an outdoor wedding, then this timeframe is perfect.

4. Focus on your needs and must haves

This is your wedding. Not your parents or friends. What type of celebration you looking for? Rachael and I realized that above all else, we want to bring our loved ones onto the dance floor and throw and awesome party. We decided to focus our spending to meet this need, over the other traditional wants. Instead of a having fancy three course meal, we opted for a cocktail hour and brief buffet followed by a lot of dancing. We are not dessert fans, so we are not spending our money on a cake. We are not spending money on shuttle busses. Instead we are offering a $10 discount on Lyft rides to and from our venue. We actually wrote out our needs, must haves, and wants. What needs do you have?

5. If you are getting family support, consider using cash for your financial future

If your parents offer to pay for the wedding, make sure to thank them. That is incredibly generous. We are getting a lot of support from our family. But, we are also putting some of that support into a savings account for a future house down payment or rainy day fund. We know some couples who decided to invest all of this welcomed family support into their future marriage instead of the wedding. Your parents will understand this sense of responsibility. If you get in the mindset of spending all of your own money on the wedding, your needs tend to be much more important than your wants, and you can focus on planning a modest, yet unique and fun wedding.

6. Don’t start off a marriage in the red

Let’s be real, some marriages last, but some fail. Since the ’70s over 40% of marriages end in divorce. Lack of commitment, care, and communication are major causes for sure, but financial pressures are also on the list. If you are a young millennial, you likely have student loan liabilities (sign up for my newsletter to receive a free guide to help eliminate student loans). If you add another $35,000 wedding debt, your marriage has a huge hole to climb out of. I strongly recommend finding a way to reduce your wedding costs to avoid starting your marriage off in debt.

7. Find a caterer you like and tell them it’s for a wedding….after you sign the contract

Caterers include a huge premium on weddings. The same number of people, in the same location, with the same menu, for, say, a reunion, could cost 10-15% less than if for a wedding. I’m not suggesting to lie, but when you are getting quotes from a caterer, it might be an eye opening exercise to compare prices for a wedding vs. a nondescript event. We’ve found that the caterer is the largest cost for our wedding. Location plays a huge role in costs as well. If you live in an expensive city, be prepared for an outrageous caterer cost.

8. Hire a day of wedding coordinator

If you have enough time to think about the details and plan your wedding together in advance, you can save a lot of money by not hiring a wedding planner. That said, a day of coordinator may be an expense worth while. We found an awesome coordinator that will ease our minds when it counts, on our wedding day. Plus, there are so many online resources out there to help plan your wedding for free. We are having so much fun planning it! Don’t let someone else steal this thunder!

9. Purchase alcohol for your caterer

I did the calculation, and we are going to save $700 by purchasing our own beer, wine, and alcohol. Caterers will change a huge fee to do this simple (and fun) task. You can go to a wholesale distributer and buy your drinks in bulk a week or two in advance of the wedding and have your day of coordinator drive it over to the venue in the morning of the wedding. Typically, your caterer will be ok with this.

10. Have fun with wedding planning!

I often hear horror stories. We are having so much fun planning our wedding. When things get frustrating, try and take a breath, and tell your partner that you love them. All that really matters is the love you share, and your future together. Your wedding if going to be magical no matter what.

Much Love (from a guys perspective),

Thomas